I wanted to be strong tonight.
I haven’t been feeling strong for quite some time now.
But nobody really notices… if you fake smile enough, say I’m fine enough. They believe it. It’s really easy to lie about that.
Right now I feel more despair and disappointment than joy or happiness.
Right now I feel more chaotic and restless than calm.
Dead of the night and my heart is hammering in my chest.
And I want to tell it, “ sshhh… be calm, love. It’s okay. It’s alright. Stay calm. I got you. You are safe. This is your safe place. You rest within my ribcage and it will protect you for as long as you need it too and even after that.”
But tonight I just can’t seem to bring those words out. I am too tired to fight tonight.
So I will just lay my head to rest clutching my pillow close.
Hoping it will all pass soon.