My teacher told me that forgiveness was a virtue. As a child I saw it as a weakness. How do I forget something unfair done to me, something wrong that happened to me, a direct consequence of another person’s actions?
I wanted something- punishment, payback, apology, hell, even a simple acknowledgement of their actions would have sufficed. That they hurt me, that it pained me and they were the cause of that pain.
But we don’t always get what we want, right?
Wanting it enough doesn’t make it happen.
It took me a long time in my short existence to realise that forgiveness begins with me. Only I’m responsible for my healing. The other person isn’t responsible for it.
Some days I’m okay with it, what’s done is done. It can not be changed only accepted. On other days I’m filled with rage and frustration. A furor of rage so strong it doesn’t even make sense to me.
I take 2 proud steps forward that I’m growing up handling it like an adult would. Then I take 2 steps back, back to where I started, back to square one, back to questioning ‘why me’.
The best way that I found to forgive others was to remove myself from the situation, from the toxicity. I decided to not let my rage poison me. I decided to not allow my emotions to be my own doom. To focus on other things, other people in my life.
Holding a grudge is heavy, it takes too much space and time. Space and time that can be better spent in bettering yourself.
Let it go.
Heal and move on.
Healing begins with you.
To better things that are just round the corner.
Artwork by Shaza Wajjokh